10 ways to let go of Control

Control- a very powerful word which displays a sense of authority. A simple word which has caused all of us to suffer, in some way or the other.

How is “Control” responsible for all of this?

Agree or not, we all have a tendency to control things. The tendency might differ from person to person, but we all have it. We try to control situations, outcomes and sometimes people. Just to ensure, everything goes our way or works exactly the way we want.

From school to college to office, there are so many examples when we all try to control everything-for good or bad!

In short, we try to control our life.

We talk about freedom, about being free and so much of good stuff but then by trying to control someone/something-we only restrict their freedom of choice!

Godfather said it right?

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Coming back to the point. Let’s see how this control works?!

We all have some future plans, some plans on how our lives are supposed to be, our dreams and stuff. In short, a well laid out plan for the rest of our life. Some people call it “Ideal Life/Perfect Life or even Dream World”. Whatever you call it, it makes you feel good though for a temporary time only!

And there is nothing wrong with it. You are not supposed to live life-serious way. But the problem arises when you try too hard to turn that fantasy world of yours into reality!

How?

I agree we all want to achieve everything we have ever thought of, visit all those places we have searched on internet and so much more. But, here comes the GREATEST WISDOM-

“There are things you can control and there are things you cannot”.

 

And to be honest, you can only control yourself, your behavior towards others, the way you respond or react to situations. That’s it.

It might be hard to grasp this but this is what the truth is.

You cannot control others, their actions, and their behavior towards you, situations around you and their outcomes.

Shit happens, things fall apart, people walk away- every worst thing you can think of “Actually” occurs in this life but does that mean you are helpless? Does that mean you cannot live the life you want? Does that mean you can only be happy as long as people are with you and the moment they decide to leave, you are dead?!

Well, no matter how weird and indigestible it seems- the answer is NO!

I KNOW I AM STILL DIGESTING THIS! 😛

If anyone is to blame for all this we go through, it’s us. It was us only who gave these people the right to mess up our lives. It was our dependency on others that has turned our life upside down. It was our beliefs and thinking that we can’t exist without some people, without their favors, without certain opportunities.

People and situations cannot affect you unless you let them do so!

“Trusting in Uncertainty” or “Going with the flow” is what we all are supposed to do.

In fact, it’s the tendency to control things in our life that leads to the serious problem of Overthinking. When you really can’t do something about a certain situation or someone in your life, you start overthinking about them.

Because thinking about something for hours makes you feel secured and certain about them. It seems that you are controlling the situation which in reality you are not. The feeling that the more we think about someone or something, the more we analyze the situation and predict worst case scenarios, the more we control it.

It’s completely wrong. It doesn’t matter how much you think about it- you can never ever control a situation or any other person.

So, I guess now you do have a fair idea of this control thing and how it affects us in our daily lives. Time for the Jackpot Question?!

How to stop Controlling others and circumstances?

  1. You need to let go of control. And that applies to all the areas in your life. From relations in your life to your career plans.
  2. I am not asking you to live a life without purpose and plans, just wandering through and accepting whatever comes in your way. I am asking you to make loose plans and try your best to achieve them but in case you fail to do so, rather than obsessing over it-let go of it and try something new!
  3. Stop controlling people for your benefits or plans. You don’t have to beg someone to stay in your life, the right ones will always stay without you making an effort. It’s the most difficult thing but surely the greatest thing.
  4. There are times when unexpected things happen in your life. Like you had planned of visiting some remaining tourist places in your city but out of the blue you get your transfer letter and you will have to shift in one week. Instead of thinking about it and getting sad, embrace the change and take the max benefit from it. Because change is going to happen-whether you like it or not!
  5. Have faith in God/Universe/Higher Power. When you don’t have faith in any of the above things, you feel you are alone and you have to do all this alone. Setting things right, begging people to stay and so much more! That’s not the right way to live a happy life. When you have faith, then you know everything is working out for your betterment only and everything happens for a reason!
  6. Life is not like a straight road but more like a river flowing through the valleys and hills. Sometimes slow, sometimes fast, sometimes you hit the rocks. You should go with the flow, embrace the change and take maximum benefit from the uncertainties in life.
  7. Do not get attached to anything or any person. When you stay detached, you don’t feel the need to control someone or something, because you don’t need it/them. You are doing okay without them and you will continue to do so in future as well!
  8. Give your best. Stop trying to control the outcome of every situation. Learn from mistakes and move on.
  9. The moment you stop expecting something out of everything, out of people only then you will truly realize how soothing it is to let go of control.
  10. Whatever you do, make sure it involves you only. Since the only person you have control over is- Yourself. People are unpredictable and no matter what you do for them or how much time you invest on them, they can walk away any moment so why to depend on them? Unless you want some major disappointments.

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Credits- http://www.madetoglow.com(google images)

Even I am working on myself. Trying to implement these solutions. This is not at all easy. It requires time. And you should be willing to give time as much as possible, after all we all want to live a happy life- free from anxiety, worry and stress!

Feel free to comment below. And of course, Sharing is caring!

Thank you!

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I should be Sleeping

Yes. You saw it right. I should be sleeping. That’s what I say to myself-not once in a week, not thrice in a week-I say this every day. And I know, even you say this too.

But why do we say like that? Is it because of too much consumption of caffeine? Is it the excitement and fun of a hostel life for a college student or the constant chatter of family members in the adjacent room-if you live in a joint family? There could be many reasons for you or me, not sleeping at the time when we should be.

Did you notice anything? There is one similarity in all the above mentioned reasons- they all are external factors or say something which is related to the outside environment. Maybe, it’s more about the Internal factors involved.

So what really it is that keeps you and me awake even after we have spent good enough time lying on bed?

Our Thinking.

Now don’t get me wrong. Thinking is a good habit and essential for one’s growth and decision making ability but things get rough when we add “Over” before it- Overthinking

It’s one of the greatest issues which is not visible in the physical world and yet has a terrible impact on you. Your mind has a great ability to overthink. To over analyze things. It doesn’t really matter how physically exhausted you are-it’s always working-either for you or against you!

It can take you right from this moment to a memory-good or not-some 5 years back or even 10 years-within seconds. You won’t even have to think harder or recall something which reminds you of that incident. And once you are back in that time, time passes by. And when you are finally going to sleep, it’s already AM in the clock.

We humans have a soft corner for this thing called Control. We literally want to control everything-want every situation/circumstance to be in our favor-but nothing comes easy in this world. So, to gain that Power to control our situation/people-we start to think deeply-covering every inch of the ground- viewing the same situation from thousands perspectives. How foolish of us! We really think predicting the future situations, altering the decisions will turn our fantasy world into reality!

I am not a Superhuman and neither are you. And that’s why I am writing this post and you are reading it.

Because we both want to break this habit of Overthinking. It’s not worth it-Not our sleep.

From academics related projects, to the common issues people have with each other, financial stuff, job worries, health related problems-you name it. Figuring out everything-that’s what we all do! Even while typing this line- I can feel the heaviness in my head.

Love for control is entirely a different topic which cannot be ignored and so I will be sharing my views on it, separately.

Every night I think of all that above mentioned stuff-just like you and get tired, frustrated and drained. With heavy eyelids and a negative mindset, I fall asleep.

That’s how my nights usually are and so are yours.

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And frankly speaking, I haven’t found a solution to it-Not the ones you are expecting me which will give you 200% results.

But surely, I am going to suggest some ways which might prove to be of some benefits to you-

  • Try hitting the bed asap. Now I used the word “Try” because I myself don’t follow this advice. Still, be a good boy/girl and at least TRY! 😛

We all are so good in giving advises to each other but so terribly bad when it comes to implementing them ourself!

  • Now get this thing clearly. There is no neutral ground here. Either you win or you learn. Either you are positive or negative. Either you feel or you don’t. So is the case with our brain. If you will keep yourself surrounded with good/positive people and books- your brain will work that way and not the other way around.
  • So try reading some good/favorite quotes or an inspiring Self-Help book, before you set your alarm for the next day! This will make you feel good and when you will be feel good, your mind will not wander here and there looking for a bad memory-unless you intentionally want to become sad and cry.
  • Listen to music. Once again, that’s your choice but try not to listen to those ones which remind you of something-not worth cherishing!
  • Do something which makes you feel good-gives you peace. For me, blogging is the way! In fact, writing itself is a great way to release the stuff that is in your head.

Well, surely these are not the ways-one would say “It took 100 of years of scientific research, experiments and analysis…” 😛

But yes how silly they may sound-They are simple and realistic.

Overthinking is nothing but a way to get mentally tired and exhausted without actually doing something. Next time, whenever you feel like you are about to go into Overthinking mode, try these solutions and see how this works for you. If you have any other way to deal with overthinking, feel free to comment below.

Thank you!

 

 

Unpredictable

Unpredictable

­Unpredictable is one of the very few words in English dictionary which actually makes me nervous, more than the word “Nervous” itself.

And you have every right to ask me “WHY?”!

Well, because I don’t know what’s going to happen next and being a human, I love to see the future, plan it according to myself, control the situations and sometimes people too-so that every thing goes according to the plan-My plan.

Sounds familiar, right?

That’s just you talking.

Anyway, I gave you my definition of the word Unpredictable. Want some examples?

Sure- here they are.

1- We

2- Our life

Trust me when I say this. One of the “Not-so-cool” qualities of humans is- They are UNPREDICTABLE. And that includes me as well.

And certainly is your life. You do have future plans or plans for tomorrow but you don’t even know what’s going to happen in the next moment? Do you?

However, I will only talk about “US”, in this article.

You see-One of the greatest qualities we all have is- the ability to think and decide for ourselves which further gives us one of the worst qualities- Unpredictability.

I can’t predict you. You can’t predict me.

And maybe this is the reason- People fight with each other, relations die, friendships end.

I am not being negative, realistic maybe.

It doesn’t matter how much time you have invested with a particular person, memories you have made or fun you have had together- Anyone can leave you anytime. All those promises, commitments will mean nothing that day.

It was going well and then you don’t know what happened and it was over. A good way to describe unpredictability of humans.

As far as I know- Unpredictability is something which makes you mysterious but at the same time, makes you way too dangerous.

Unpredictable, scary as shit.

This is not a “How to overcome” post so apologies if you were expecting it to be.

Still, few guidelines- though how negative it may sound-

  • Invest your time wisely with anyone
  • Choose your friends with utmost precautions

Because you never know how ugly unpredictability can get. 

Thank you!