How to get out of Victim Mentality?!

“I am so screwed”.

“My life is a mess. I am simply existing. I no longer can live and enjoy my life. It all depends on others. Maybe that’s how my life is supposed to be. Dull and depressing”.

Sounds familiar?

Well, sure it does. The famous common lines you and I say to ourselves or to our close ones. Congrats! You have a Victim Mentality! And so do I or so I had in the past!

I don’t know the exact official definition of this “oh-so-technical” term but I can try explaining it to you!

The mentality in which everything seems going against you, when every event seems to upset you, when you are no longer in the driver seat of your life and the external circumstances or people’s behavior and actions start affecting you and your mood, is what we call as Victim Mentality. You start seeing yourself as a helpless victim of situations and people!

Key line- You are at the mercy of others’ actions.

And victim mentality is something which is hard to identify in someone because it seems normal. It doesn’t help at all yet it provides a temporary satisfaction/relief. Humans crave for affection and care. And so does the victim of victim mentality. He craves for sympathy or say “Aww poor me”.

And it’s okay. I don’t know if you are one of them or not. In case you are, don’t worry. That’s absolutely normal! Sometimes, unexpected life tragedies or accidents can make a person think like that.

Now let me enlighten you more on this! Some examples-

  • Too much dependency on someone. Or attachment to a certain person. You start to believe that they are the reason behind your happiness and without them you cannot be happy! Now since you have given your power to someone else and their action controls your happiness, you set yourself up for some major disappointments and hurt. A single action taken by them which makes you sad or hurts you, you are like this “Why? What did I do? Why can’t they act like I expect them to? Their actions affect me to the core”.
  • When something unexpected happens and it breaks you into pieces and you lose all hopes. Thinking like “I cannot be happy. Maybe this is what my life is all about”.
  • When you try to achieve something and you work hard but fail because of some uncontrollable situation or injustice. You start to feel like a victim of circumstances.

Basically, victim is a person who has gone through a lot and is still going when he is not responsible for his current situation but somebody else is. In all the cases, person thought or believed that it’s always the other person’s fault. Sometimes, you do are a victim of a situation but only for once, after that you choose to be a victim or choose to think like a victim!

Of course there are times when we were wronged by someone in the past, had experienced something very bad and so on. Yes, there are people who have done so much wrong to you and mistreated you or took you for granted but what now? Even you know this deep inside, no matter how much you blame them, hold them responsible and curse them,  past cannot be undone. Or it won’t change your present circumstances unless you decide to take some strict actions! You cannot live a happy life by constantly complaining about the difficult times or terrible people.

I hope now you do know what exactly victim mentality is. Needless to say, at some point of time, we all have played that role or are still playing!

So,

How does Victim Mentality affects you?

  • Makes you sad/depressed and dull.
  • Makes you crave for attention/sympathy/care from others’ which of course is temporary!
  • Keeps you discouraged and act as an obstacle in your growth!
  • No sight of hope or something better, no spark in life.
  • Makes you beg and plead to others’ who have mistakenly got the right to control your happiness.
  • Makes you kind of annoying because you start bugging your friends with the same story of how you turned into this dull and depressed person, and sooner or later they start avoiding you.
  • Worst part. It looks like once you are in, you can’t get out. Walking through a dark never ending tunnel!

Can you really get out?

Yes.

Will it be quick?

Nope.

Can this blog help me?

YES YES YES!

8 ways to help you overcome victim mentality

  1. Get aware. These 2 are the golden words. Why? Because you cannot deal with something negative unless you identify it in the first place i.e. To get aware! The first stage is to identify that you too are a victim of victim mentality and it’s time to get rid of this!
  2. You need to stop playing that role. No more acting like a loser. Start acting like a winner. Be the person who is not at the mercy of others’ actions.
  3. Detach. You should not get attached to anyone. Attachment is the root cause of all kinds of problems. From control to victim mentality, it’s the attachment which makes you helpless in situations. When you attach your happiness to someone else, you see your happiness directly proportional to their actions. Their “Hi” makes you happy and their “Bye” makes you sad. Take back that control. You cannot truly come out of victim mentality unless you detach yourself. You cannot control people. You cannot control their actions. So, no point in getting attached to anyone!
  4.  Say NO to Dependency. Any kind of dependency from emotional to work related is Dangerous. As long as you are dependent on someone else, that person can make you feel/do whatever he wants. Making you a victim of circumstances created by him.
  5. Take Responsibility. When you take responsibility of your life, of your actions, of your feelings then you automatically switch to Winner mode from loser mode. Why? Because now the ball is in your court. You are dependent on one person- You.
  6. Whenever you are stuck in a situation, rather than talking about it to everyone, find some solutions yourself. Consult your advisors. But try doing something which improves your condition, in case it is beyond your control-Simply detach. You cannot change something in which you have NO part to play!
  7. Lastly, I am not saying you are solely responsible for this messy life of yours! I am just saying even if it was someone else who contributed 70% in making you feel this way, rest 30% was your contribution! You chose to give that person a chance to screw up your life and hence you too are responsible for this! Accept your part. Take responsibility! Learn from this mistake and never repeat it again
  8. Read good positive stuff. Learn how to turn every setback as a stepping stone for your success. Read biography of all those great persons who refused to play the role of victim no matter what happened in their lives!

Quoting this paragraph from my favorite book- You can Win by Shiv Khera.

Let me share someone’s life history with you. This was a man who failed in business at the age of 21 ; was defeated in a legislative race at age 22; failed again in business at age 24; overcame the death of his sweetheart at age 26; had a nervous breakdown at age 27; lost a congressional race at age 34; lost a senatorial race at age 45; failed in an effort to become vice-president at age 47; lost a senatorial race at age 49; and was elected president of the United States at age 52”.

This man was Abraham Lincoln.

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He too could have played the role of victim but he did not. You always have a choice. Always!

In short, you are responsible for your feelings, for your acts, for your responses/reactions to people or situations. Remember that!

These are some ways to overcome victim mentality. I am still trying to apply them in life. But trust me, it feels way lot better when you realize you are the creator of your life and the one who can actually control the way you feel!

After all, we all are winners!

Hope this helps

Solutions/suggestions are always welcome!

Sharing is caring because there are many more out there, like us who do need some help to get out of this!

p.s- Image credits: Google

 

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What kind of Person are you?

I was just watching this Hindi movie “Company”(for some 4th time)- starring Ajay Devgan and Vivek Oberoi. It is based on the story of Mumbai Underworld. A crime thriller and one of my favorite as well.

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Anyway, this is not a movie review and neither you are interested in listening about 14 year old “AMAZING-THRILLER-SUPERB” movie :P.

You are here because of any of the following reasons-

1- You want to know what this 20 year old guy has to share..

OR

2- You are someone I already know and I have shamelessly requested to check out my new post.

Promoting your brand new blog isn’t a crime, right?! No time for “Maybe or maybe not”.

Anyway, the reason I mentioned this movie is because of one of the very famous dialogue by Ajay Devgan makes quite sense to me NOW!

“Har insaan ke andar ek rakshash hota hai … bas kuch log usse bahar nikaalne se darte nahi”

Translation: There is a devil inside everyone … it’s just that some people are not scared to embrace it.

Now I am trying my best not to get too carried away but just try to understand what I am going to say now.

We all have a good and bad person inside us. Call it god-evil, if you want to. Whatever it is- I believe it’s true. I mean you can’t be good all the time, or with everyone around you. Of course there are some very good and decent people around us who deserve to be treated with respect and love. But sometimes it’s like you only see that side of others-they want you to see. Posing themselves as your well wishers while deep inside they might be hitting you right on your face with something handy for the 20th time. And then there are some people who try their best to act good, think good, do good but they fail when it comes to “think good”. I am talking about those people who have a habit of falling prey to Negative thinking, Victim Mentality, Blaming luck and fate and others. I used to be one of them or maybe deep down I still am but the frequency of falling to this kind of thinking has reduced remarkably.

However, it might be possible that there are times when you hate yourself for thinking too negative or something despising. But you shouldn’t hate yourself for that. That’s not your fault. You can’t control 60k thoughts(approx 50k-70k thoughts you have per day-that’s what the internet says at least) that cross your mind but you do have the power to keep the good ones and let go of the bad ones.

All you have to do is-

1- Get aware

2-Calm your mind

3- Divert your mind and read some great self help books or listen to some good music-anything which changes the way you feel

Such a simple way to a simple life! So easy,right? 😛

I know I know Easier said than done.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter what kind of person you are. Good or bad. Positive or Negative. Optimist or Pessimist. You should be really happy. You are not alone-there are so many people like you out there-even the author of this post! And that was the main point behind me starting this blog. Sharing stuff, the way we all often feel and trying to change each others’ life by becoming the change we all want to see in others.

Trying not to go in deep, all I can say is if you are someone who often thinks negatively or complains a lot or bangs their fist when something doesn’t goes as planned-You are at the right place. This is where you are supposed to be right now. Sitting right in front of your laptop/mobile/tablet and reading this line in BOLD ITALIC. This is “THE MOMENT” you have to be in-Not dwelling on the past or worrying about future. Hope you are appreciating the importance of this moment. In case you are not, umm..Poor you. Lol!

If you’re currently struggling in life and don’t know how to express your feelings then this is the place you need to be, for we will work together and we will work it out. And if you’re living the perfect life you imagined then well you can still visit this blog and help others because anyway it’s a good habit to make someone happy. And by the way each and every view/comment/share-makes me happy 😛

Enough of sugary stuff.

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Let’s get to the conclusion: Accept yourself. The way you are. Because you can’t overcome something you refuse to confront.Remember that!

However, there are things you really can’t change even if you choose to confront like Confronting the teacher after you have given wrong answer with full confidence and enthusiasm-won’t make you less dumb in front of her 😛

More articles on the way. If you want me to share my views(general) or write on any topic of your choice, you can comment below.

p.s- I hope you do appreciate the way I started talking about the movie “Company” and ended up talking about your thoughts. That’s cool, right?!

Just in case you didn’t know-

Sharing is Caring!

Hope you enjoyed reading this article.