Control- a very powerful word which displays a sense of authority. A simple word which has caused all of us to suffer, in some way or the other.
How is “Control” responsible for all of this?
Agree or not, we all have a tendency to control things. The tendency might differ from person to person, but we all have it. We try to control situations, outcomes and sometimes people. Just to ensure, everything goes our way or works exactly the way we want.
From school to college to office, there are so many examples when we all try to control everything-for good or bad!
In short, we try to control our life.
We talk about freedom, about being free and so much of good stuff but then by trying to control someone/something-we only restrict their freedom of choice!
Godfather said it right?
Coming back to the point. Let’s see how this control works?!
We all have some future plans, some plans on how our lives are supposed to be, our dreams and stuff. In short, a well laid out plan for the rest of our life. Some people call it “Ideal Life/Perfect Life or even Dream World”. Whatever you call it, it makes you feel good though for a temporary time only!
And there is nothing wrong with it. You are not supposed to live life-serious way. But the problem arises when you try too hard to turn that fantasy world of yours into reality!
I agree we all want to achieve everything we have ever thought of, visit all those places we have searched on internet and so much more. But, here comes the GREATEST WISDOM-
“There are things you can control and there are things you cannot”.
And to be honest, you can only control yourself, your behavior towards others, the way you respond or react to situations. That’s it.
It might be hard to grasp this but this is what the truth is.
You cannot control others, their actions, and their behavior towards you, situations around you and their outcomes.
Shit happens, things fall apart, people walk away- every worst thing you can think of “Actually” occurs in this life but does that mean you are helpless? Does that mean you cannot live the life you want? Does that mean you can only be happy as long as people are with you and the moment they decide to leave, you are dead?!
Well, no matter how weird and indigestible it seems- the answer is NO!
I KNOW I AM STILL DIGESTING THIS! 😛
If anyone is to blame for all this we go through, it’s us. It was us only who gave these people the right to mess up our lives. It was our dependency on others that has turned our life upside down. It was our beliefs and thinking that we can’t exist without some people, without their favors, without certain opportunities.
People and situations cannot affect you unless you let them do so!
“Trusting in Uncertainty” or “Going with the flow” is what we all are supposed to do.
In fact, it’s the tendency to control things in our life that leads to the serious problem of Overthinking. When you really can’t do something about a certain situation or someone in your life, you start overthinking about them.
Because thinking about something for hours makes you feel secured and certain about them. It seems that you are controlling the situation which in reality you are not. The feeling that the more we think about someone or something, the more we analyze the situation and predict worst case scenarios, the more we control it.
It’s completely wrong. It doesn’t matter how much you think about it- you can never ever control a situation or any other person.
So, I guess now you do have a fair idea of this control thing and how it affects us in our daily lives. Time for the Jackpot Question?!
How to stop Controlling others and circumstances?
- You need to let go of control. And that applies to all the areas in your life. From relations in your life to your career plans.
- I am not asking you to live a life without purpose and plans, just wandering through and accepting whatever comes in your way. I am asking you to make loose plans and try your best to achieve them but in case you fail to do so, rather than obsessing over it-let go of it and try something new!
- Stop controlling people for your benefits or plans. You don’t have to beg someone to stay in your life, the right ones will always stay without you making an effort. It’s the most difficult thing but surely the greatest thing.
- There are times when unexpected things happen in your life. Like you had planned of visiting some remaining tourist places in your city but out of the blue you get your transfer letter and you will have to shift in one week. Instead of thinking about it and getting sad, embrace the change and take the max benefit from it. Because change is going to happen-whether you like it or not!
- Have faith in God/Universe/Higher Power. When you don’t have faith in any of the above things, you feel you are alone and you have to do all this alone. Setting things right, begging people to stay and so much more! That’s not the right way to live a happy life. When you have faith, then you know everything is working out for your betterment only and everything happens for a reason!
- Life is not like a straight road but more like a river flowing through the valleys and hills. Sometimes slow, sometimes fast, sometimes you hit the rocks. You should go with the flow, embrace the change and take maximum benefit from the uncertainties in life.
- Do not get attached to anything or any person. When you stay detached, you don’t feel the need to control someone or something, because you don’t need it/them. You are doing okay without them and you will continue to do so in future as well!
- Give your best. Stop trying to control the outcome of every situation. Learn from mistakes and move on.
- The moment you stop expecting something out of everything, out of people only then you will truly realize how soothing it is to let go of control.
- Whatever you do, make sure it involves you only. Since the only person you have control over is- Yourself. People are unpredictable and no matter what you do for them or how much time you invest on them, they can walk away any moment so why to depend on them? Unless you want some major disappointments.
Credits- http://www.madetoglow.com(google images)
Even I am working on myself. Trying to implement these solutions. This is not at all easy. It requires time. And you should be willing to give time as much as possible, after all we all want to live a happy life- free from anxiety, worry and stress!
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