“I am so screwed”.
“My life is a mess. I am simply existing. I no longer can live and enjoy my life. It all depends on others. Maybe that’s how my life is supposed to be. Dull and depressing”.
Well, sure it does. The famous common lines you and I say to ourselves or to our close ones. Congrats! You have a Victim Mentality! And so do I or so I had in the past!
I don’t know the exact official definition of this “oh-so-technical” term but I can try explaining it to you!
The mentality in which everything seems going against you, when every event seems to upset you, when you are no longer in the driver seat of your life and the external circumstances or people’s behavior and actions start affecting you and your mood, is what we call as Victim Mentality. You start seeing yourself as a helpless victim of situations and people!
Key line- You are at the mercy of others’ actions.
And victim mentality is something which is hard to identify in someone because it seems normal. It doesn’t help at all yet it provides a temporary satisfaction/relief. Humans crave for affection and care. And so does the victim of victim mentality. He craves for sympathy or say “Aww poor me”.
And it’s okay. I don’t know if you are one of them or not. In case you are, don’t worry. That’s absolutely normal! Sometimes, unexpected life tragedies or accidents can make a person think like that.
Now let me enlighten you more on this! Some examples-
- Too much dependency on someone. Or attachment to a certain person. You start to believe that they are the reason behind your happiness and without them you cannot be happy! Now since you have given your power to someone else and their action controls your happiness, you set yourself up for some major disappointments and hurt. A single action taken by them which makes you sad or hurts you, you are like this “Why? What did I do? Why can’t they act like I expect them to? Their actions affect me to the core”.
- When something unexpected happens and it breaks you into pieces and you lose all hopes. Thinking like “I cannot be happy. Maybe this is what my life is all about”.
- When you try to achieve something and you work hard but fail because of some uncontrollable situation or injustice. You start to feel like a victim of circumstances.
Basically, victim is a person who has gone through a lot and is still going when he is not responsible for his current situation but somebody else is. In all the cases, person thought or believed that it’s always the other person’s fault. Sometimes, you do are a victim of a situation but only for once, after that you choose to be a victim or choose to think like a victim!
Of course there are times when we were wronged by someone in the past, had experienced something very bad and so on. Yes, there are people who have done so much wrong to you and mistreated you or took you for granted but what now? Even you know this deep inside, no matter how much you blame them, hold them responsible and curse them, past cannot be undone. Or it won’t change your present circumstances unless you decide to take some strict actions! You cannot live a happy life by constantly complaining about the difficult times or terrible people.
I hope now you do know what exactly victim mentality is. Needless to say, at some point of time, we all have played that role or are still playing!
How does Victim Mentality affects you?
- Makes you sad/depressed and dull.
- Makes you crave for attention/sympathy/care from others’ which of course is temporary!
- Keeps you discouraged and act as an obstacle in your growth!
- No sight of hope or something better, no spark in life.
- Makes you beg and plead to others’ who have mistakenly got the right to control your happiness.
- Makes you kind of annoying because you start bugging your friends with the same story of how you turned into this dull and depressed person, and sooner or later they start avoiding you.
- Worst part. It looks like once you are in, you can’t get out. Walking through a dark never ending tunnel!
Can you really get out?
Will it be quick?
Can this blog help me?
YES YES YES!
8 ways to help you overcome victim mentality
- Get aware. These 2 are the golden words. Why? Because you cannot deal with something negative unless you identify it in the first place i.e. To get aware! The first stage is to identify that you too are a victim of victim mentality and it’s time to get rid of this!
- You need to stop playing that role. No more acting like a loser. Start acting like a winner. Be the person who is not at the mercy of others’ actions.
- Detach. You should not get attached to anyone. Attachment is the root cause of all kinds of problems. From control to victim mentality, it’s the attachment which makes you helpless in situations. When you attach your happiness to someone else, you see your happiness directly proportional to their actions. Their “Hi” makes you happy and their “Bye” makes you sad. Take back that control. You cannot truly come out of victim mentality unless you detach yourself. You cannot control people. You cannot control their actions. So, no point in getting attached to anyone!
- Say NO to Dependency. Any kind of dependency from emotional to work related is Dangerous. As long as you are dependent on someone else, that person can make you feel/do whatever he wants. Making you a victim of circumstances created by him.
- Take Responsibility. When you take responsibility of your life, of your actions, of your feelings then you automatically switch to Winner mode from loser mode. Why? Because now the ball is in your court. You are dependent on one person- You.
- Whenever you are stuck in a situation, rather than talking about it to everyone, find some solutions yourself. Consult your advisors. But try doing something which improves your condition, in case it is beyond your control-Simply detach. You cannot change something in which you have NO part to play!
- Lastly, I am not saying you are solely responsible for this messy life of yours! I am just saying even if it was someone else who contributed 70% in making you feel this way, rest 30% was your contribution! You chose to give that person a chance to screw up your life and hence you too are responsible for this! Accept your part. Take responsibility! Learn from this mistake and never repeat it again
- Read good positive stuff. Learn how to turn every setback as a stepping stone for your success. Read biography of all those great persons who refused to play the role of victim no matter what happened in their lives!
Quoting this paragraph from my favorite book- You can Win by Shiv Khera.
“Let me share someone’s life history with you. This was a man who failed in business at the age of 21 ; was defeated in a legislative race at age 22; failed again in business at age 24; overcame the death of his sweetheart at age 26; had a nervous breakdown at age 27; lost a congressional race at age 34; lost a senatorial race at age 45; failed in an effort to become vice-president at age 47; lost a senatorial race at age 49; and was elected president of the United States at age 52”.
This man was Abraham Lincoln.
He too could have played the role of victim but he did not. You always have a choice. Always!
In short, you are responsible for your feelings, for your acts, for your responses/reactions to people or situations. Remember that!
These are some ways to overcome victim mentality. I am still trying to apply them in life. But trust me, it feels way lot better when you realize you are the creator of your life and the one who can actually control the way you feel!
After all, we all are winners!
Hope this helps
Solutions/suggestions are always welcome!
Sharing is caring because there are many more out there, like us who do need some help to get out of this!
p.s- Image credits: Google